


Silverware and Petty Crimes

by Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat



Series: The Yugo Limbo Extended Universe [3]
Category: Ah! He's Sick!, Face Love (Video Game)
Genre: Blind Date, Crossover, First Date, M/M, Partners... In Crime, They're gay little bastards that steal silverware on their first date, WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:07:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26213857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat/pseuds/Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat
Summary: Face Technician is lonely. Like... really lonely. Using a dating app so often it pops up in recommended apps kind of lonely. But one interesting bio leads to an interesting date, which might just lead to an interesting relationship.
Relationships: Hat Doctor/Face Technician
Series: The Yugo Limbo Extended Universe [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1903264
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Silverware and Petty Crimes

**Author's Note:**

> They're tiny, they're bastards, they're gay, they steal things together. I love these two so much...

Face Tech likes to think there’s more to him than his job. There’s the “evil” inventions too, of course, but there’s more to him than that too. He laughs, he cries, he loves. Well… he would, if he had anyone to love. He’s pretty lonely. He’d get a pet, but animals seem to be afraid of him. He’s personable enough that folks flock to him, but only for business. They don’t stick around to ask him how he’s doing, unless it’s out of courtesy. He’d made peace with it for a while, before the rookie (who wasn’t really a rookie anymore) showed him a dating app. He doesn’t remember the name, which is a little sad considering how much he’s used it (which is also a little sad). 

He’s been on several dates because of the damn thing, and none of them have been satisfying. He did take a couple home, but they never messaged back after that. The rookie told him some people do that, they just look for something for one night and move on. That makes him angrier than not finding a date. He doesn’t get that. The rookie seems surprised he doesn’t, but they at least look apologetic when they say it. And they’re too good to fire now, so they get away with it.

The point is, Face Tech hasn’t had luck with dating. Not by himself, not with the app, not with anything. But he’s still trying. Because he really is lonely, even if he doesn’t show it. He’s excited about this date though. The first profile in a long while that looked genuinely interesting had popped up, and he’d had to match. I mean… who’s named “Hat Doctor”? His name is “Face Technician”, so he can’t judge, but still. The bio was interesting too. “Ask too many questions and I’ll pummel you. Ask too few and never hear from me again. Must have an interest in meat. Don’t ask why, and don’t ask where I got it from.” And that was it! Fascinating…

They’d messaged back and forth for a while, and apparently Face Tech had asked the right amount of questions, because they were meeting in person. Hat Doctor’s profile didn’t actually have any pictures on it, which was probably a red flag, but Face Tech was lonely. We’ve established that. Besides, he’d worked with some really shifty people before. He could handle a date with someone shifty. If he ever shows up…

He’s sitting in front of a cafe, just messing around on his phone and looking up every now and then. There’s a lot of cars going by, and the occasional fish bus. He doesn’t usually come into the city itself, he prefers the suburbs. Still, Gwomp does have a certain charm to it, and he can imagine it’d be easier to run a butcher/pharmacy here. Maybe… he wouldn’t know. Face reconstruction is technically supposed to be medical, but he certainly doesn’t do it that way and-

“Well damn! You’re even prettier in person!”

Face Tech jumps and turns around quickly. There’s a short man standing behind him, and he’s got the biggest grin Face Tech’s ever seen. He’s wearing a pretty big hat (so big Face Tech can’t tell if he’s actually shorter than him), and he looks… docotrly. Or something. “You’re Hat Doctor, right?” Face Tech asks. 

“On the nose!” He says. He comes around the table to hop up in the chair opposite Face Tech. “I already know who you are, sweet cheeks.” He says it in a way that would intimidate Face Tech, if it weren’t for the fact that, sitting down, he’s definitely shorter than him. 

“So we’re even then,” Face Tech says. 

Hat Doctor seems taken aback, but he’s composed again a moment later. He seems pleasantly surprised too. “You waited for me to order? Real chivalrous of you!” He leans against the table and looks Face Tech up and down again. “You didn’t exactly seem the polite type…”

“Disappointed that your date’s nice?” Face Tech asks. “That’s a weird one, haven’t gotten that before.”

“I’m a weird one. You’ve noticed the hat, right?” Hat Doctor chuckles. “Enough about how nice you may or may not be. I’m real interested in your job. I didn’t even know there were Face Technicians in the world! Most folks with that job call themselves doctors.” 

“No laws against it,” Face Tech says. He thinks for a moment. “Probably,” he tacks on the end. He doesn’t miss how Hat Doctor’s eyes light up. “I provide a necessary service to people without faces. I’ve got a handful of workers, but it’s mostly me putting people’s faces together again.” He shrugs. “Nothing fancy.”

“How do you get the face parts?” Hat Doctor asks.

“That,” Face Tech says, “is none of your damn business.”

Hat Doctor looks elated. “Just like where I get my meat,” he says, and he sounds way too excited about it.

“I guess we’re even again, then,” Face Tech says. He feels like his stomach is going to drop out from under him, but in the best way possible. “You wanna order something, or are we just gonna sit here?”

“You’re paying,” Hat Doctor says.

“That was part of the conditions of you coming!” Face Tech says.

Hat Doctor grins. “And you agreed, so you’ll have to cough up the cash,” he says.

And for the next hour or so, Hat Doctor orders pretty much everything off the menu. He doesn’t seem to run out of appetite, or room. He just keeps eating. Or… pretends to. Face Tech is pretty sure he saw him push a pastry into the bag of the woman sitting next to them. That only makes him like Hat Doctor more. 

They’re both stealing silverware. It seems to start as a normal thing, but it becomes a silent game between them, and soon they’re competing to see who can grab the most forks. They both reach for one at once, and their fingers brush. They both look away, blushing. It’s cliche, and dumb, but Face Tech can’t find it in himself to care. This is the best date he’s been on in years, maybe ever. The conversation flows easily too, and while a lot of it is the same getting to know each other talk that Face Tech’s done a thousand times over the past two months, Hat Doctor throws in a few zinger questions.

“What was the address of your childhood home?” “What was your pet’s name growing up?” “What’s your mother’s maiden name?”

Face Tech isn’t an idiot, they’re all pretty obviously security questions. The kind of stuff a website asks you when you’re making an account to make sure that no one can hack you. He’d kind of like to see Hat Doctor try, but he still gives lies. The more he talks to Hat Doctor, the more obvious it is that this guy’s a professional scammer, just like him. And he’d be lying if he said that wasn’t kind of hot.

“What’s your opinion on meat?” Hat Doctor finally asks. 

Face Tech’s been expecting it, considering the guy’s bio. He sighs and hangs his head. “I know what you said in your bio, but… I’m a vegetarian…” There’s a long moment of silence while Face Tech tries to hold in his laughter, and Hat Doctor looks at him in disgust.

Finally, Hat Doctor laughs. “You’re fucking with me!” He says through loud laughter. Face Tech joins in, he can’t help it. Hat Doctor’s laugh is infectious. And… really beautiful. They both calm down after a while, and Face Tech feels the best he has in years. This is better than putting faces together, and even better than stealing. “Hey,” Hat Doctor whispers. “What do you say to the two of us getting out of here?”

“A bit early in the day for things like that,” Face Tech says. He’s worried that Hat Doctor is going to disappear after today, because he doesn’t really want to let go.

“No, I mean…” Hat Doctor glances around, before leaning in. “I shoved some stuff in the lady next to us’s bag. She just asked for the bill. We gotta go before she reaches for her wallet.” He grins. “Especially since it isn’t there.” He winks.

And Face Tech is pretty sure that he falls in love.

He slaps down some cash, probably enough (actually, probably not), and the two of them book it. They’re both jingling as they walk from the amount of silverware in their pockets, but it just makes them both laugh. They stop in a park nearby, and empty their pockets by a secluded tree. They set up a point system. Spoons are one point, forks are three, knives are five. Face Tech has more, but Hat Doctor managed to grab a lot of knives, so he still wins. They sit under the tree together, surrounded by silverware, and Face Tech doesn't feel lonely anymore.

“I’d carve our initials in the tree, but none of these knives are sharp enough,” Hat Doctor says. 

“That’s a little permanent, don’t you think?” Face Tech asks. “I mean… this is the first date.”

“It’s illegal to damage the trees,” Hat Doctor says with a shrug. 

Face Tech laughs. “I like you,” he says, and he tries to put an inflection on it that isn’t childish. “Would you ever want to do this again?”

Hat Doctor hums, and doesn’t answer for a long moment. It makes Face Tech nervous, but he speaks again after a moment. “Did you short the money?” He asks.

“Pretty sure I did,” Face Tech replies. “Besides, I never specified what was a tip, so the waiter got nothing.”

Hat Doctor kisses him on the spot. He definitely wasn’t expecting it, but he also welcomes it. Hat Doctor grabs his waist pretty hard, so Face Tech buries his hands in his hair and yanks, hard. It makes Hat Doctor grin big enough that the kiss is broken. “You’ve won yourself at least two more dates,” Hat Doctor whispers. “Although you’re gonna have to pay up if you want another kiss.”

“I didn’t pay bus fare on the way here,” Face Tech says, because he’s really hoping for another kiss.

He gets one.


End file.
